if i could be on any game show, i would definitely be on Supermarket Sweep. That is hands down, the best game show EVER!!! what could be more fun than that? running through a grocery store like a crazy person, pushing a jumbo cart and rounding the aisles so fast you fish tail. Meanwhile, your trusty partner is grabbing EVERYTHING in sight and just chucking tuna fish and spaghetti noodles and Alpo into the cart like nothin’. If i were on it, though, i would be the grabber, not the pusher. i already have my technique down and everything: knees bent, back hunched, and shoulders low. i’d run along the aisle with my body pivoted at the waist, so i was facing the aisles, with both my arms held straight and stiff out in front of me, thereby sweeping the shelves!!!! stuff would be toppling into the cart like crazy, like a waterfall made out of groceries!!

Canned goods? they don’t stand a chance.

Rubbermaid products? i laugh in their microwaveable/dishwasher-safe faces.

Toilet paper economy packs? Dead meat, i tell you. Dead meat.

i have a question for all you out there: do you watch that show Fear Factor?

don’t be afraid. just admit it. you watch it. i do too. well, sometimes, and only while NOT eating.

anyway, i think it’s really disgusting, the things they do on that show. slurping down live slugs? chewing on a mealy cow brain? gulping a glass of bile? from a LIVER??!!!

eewwwww.

boy is that stuff gross. and stupid. and ridiculous and sick and wrong.

but i watch it (sometimes). how embarrassing.

I love cheese. the reasons i love cheese are:

it is delicious
it is sometimes covered in beautiful shiny red wax
it comes in wedges, wheels, and bricks
it feels nice to bite through it
it is fun to eat off the block
it is satisfying to chew and swallow
it is sharp
and mellow
and pungent
and soft
and is nice on crackers, bread, nachos; in soups and sandwiches; with potatoes, eggs, fruit, and spaghetti. and all other pastas.

oh, i dearly love cheese. i will never forget watching Reading Rainbow and discovering how cheese is made with Lavar Burton. And i still start drooling when i remember Lavar slowly taking a nice, firm, creamy bite of that delicious piece of cheddar cheese. Mmmmm.

I’ve taken to saying “yee haw!” lately. That’s a celebratory “yee haw!”, by the way.

“My parents just won $10,000 on America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

That’s my cue: “Yee haw!”

cats in cowboy hats, yourself all tanned and leathery, a fuzzy-headed mulleted ex--it's all very odd.

i am very happy with my life right now. i love kurt!

boy am i bored.

and hungry.

kurt wants to go to Germany this summer. how does one pay for such a trip, i ask you? well, i ask him.

no dinero in the bank-o.

doing the wave is NOT fun at work.

hmph.

I get so depressed when I watch the news or think about what's going on in the world right now. this past monday, friends of ours who are in the military got depoyed to Colorado; next destination: Kuwait. it was really depressing. i think a lot of the soldiers were very afraid.

I do not think of myself as a political activist, or any sort of activist, actually, but i think i will write a letter to my senators, my congressmen, and the president of this country, asking them to think twice and choose a peaceful alternative to war. Please, take a minute to write a letter of your own. And get your wife or husband and all your friends to write one, too. Please. This is serious stuff. Take the time. Try to make the leaders of this world at least take a second look before they do something that can't be undone. Imagine how you'd feel if it was your friend or your wife or your son who was afraid.

like Jahva said, i'm thinking about getting a dog. any ideas for good dog names? so far i have considered Felipe (the spanish pronunciation, not french) and Hal.

old chinese proberb says: He who catches the Golden Moose wins bowl of leek soup.

conceited people stink.

they make me want to stomp on their toes with my heel and yank their hair and then run away cackling evil-ly!!!!

ps i am not a mean person. usually.