meestaw poopie pants

2003-05-20T17:14:00.000-04:00

if i could be on any game show, i would definitely be on Supermarket Sweep. That is hands down, the best game show EVER!!! what could be more fun than that? running through a grocery store like a crazy person, pushing a jumbo cart and rounding the aisles so fast you fish tail. Meanwhile, your trusty partner is grabbing EVERYTHING in sight and just chucking tuna fish and spaghetti noodles and Alpo into the cart like nothin’. If i were on it, though, i would be the grabber, not the pusher. i already have my technique down and everything: knees bent, back hunched, and shoulders low. i’d run along the aisle with my body pivoted at the waist, so i was facing the aisles, with both my arms held straight and stiff out in front of me, thereby sweeping the shelves!!!! stuff would be toppling into the cart like crazy, like a waterfall made out of groceries!!

Canned goods? they don’t stand a chance.

Rubbermaid products? i laugh in their microwaveable/dishwasher-safe faces.

Toilet paper economy packs? Dead meat, i tell you. Dead meat.

2003-05-20T16:29:00.000-04:00

i have a question for all you out there: do you watch that show Fear Factor?

don’t be afraid. just admit it. you watch it. i do too. well, sometimes, and only while NOT eating.

anyway, i think it’s really disgusting, the things they do on that show. slurping down live slugs? chewing on a mealy cow brain? gulping a glass of bile? from a LIVER??!!!

eewwwww.

boy is that stuff gross. and stupid. and ridiculous and sick and wrong.

but i watch it (sometimes). how embarrassing.

2003-05-07T11:40:00.000-04:00

I love cheese. the reasons i love cheese are:

it is delicious
it is sometimes covered in beautiful shiny red wax
it comes in wedges, wheels, and bricks
it feels nice to bite through it
it is fun to eat off the block
it is satisfying to chew and swallow
it is sharp
and mellow
and pungent
and soft
and is nice on crackers, bread, nachos; in soups and sandwiches; with potatoes, eggs, fruit, and spaghetti. and all other pastas.

oh, i dearly love cheese. i will never forget watching Reading Rainbow and discovering how cheese is made with Lavar Burton. And i still start drooling when i remember Lavar slowly taking a nice, firm, creamy bite of that delicious piece of cheddar cheese. Mmmmm.

2003-03-11T11:36:00.000-05:00

I’ve taken to saying “yee haw!” lately. That’s a celebratory “yee haw!”, by the way.

“My parents just won $10,000 on America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

That’s my cue: “Yee haw!”

2003-02-27T17:00:00.000-05:00

cats in cowboy hats, yourself all tanned and leathery, a fuzzy-headed mulleted ex--it's all very odd.

2003-02-26T16:15:00.000-05:00

i am very happy with my life right now. i love kurt!

2003-02-21T12:25:00.000-05:00

boy am i bored.

and hungry.

kurt wants to go to Germany this summer. how does one pay for such a trip, i ask you? well, i ask him.

no dinero in the bank-o.

2003-02-18T15:47:00.000-05:00

doing the wave is NOT fun at work.

hmph.

2003-02-14T15:23:00.000-05:00

I get so depressed when I watch the news or think about what's going on in the world right now. this past monday, friends of ours who are in the military got depoyed to Colorado; next destination: Kuwait. it was really depressing. i think a lot of the soldiers were very afraid.

I do not think of myself as a political activist, or any sort of activist, actually, but i think i will write a letter to my senators, my congressmen, and the president of this country, asking them to think twice and choose a peaceful alternative to war. Please, take a minute to write a letter of your own. And get your wife or husband and all your friends to write one, too. Please. This is serious stuff. Take the time. Try to make the leaders of this world at least take a second look before they do something that can't be undone. Imagine how you'd feel if it was your friend or your wife or your son who was afraid.

2003-02-13T14:15:00.000-05:00

like Jahva said, i'm thinking about getting a dog. any ideas for good dog names? so far i have considered Felipe (the spanish pronunciation, not french) and Hal.

2003-02-13T14:13:00.000-05:00

old chinese proberb says: He who catches the Golden Moose wins bowl of leek soup.

2003-02-11T10:59:00.000-05:00

conceited people stink.

they make me want to stomp on their toes with my heel and yank their hair and then run away cackling evil-ly!!!!

ps i am not a mean person. usually.

2003-02-07T17:21:00.000-05:00

how do you like my new look? i owe it all to JAHVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps did i spell jahva right?

2003-02-07T15:30:00.000-05:00

i feel i have to confess something: i tried out the body butter on my hands and i kind of like it. it smells good, too.

i have to confess something else: i watched the Michael Jackson special last night on 20/20.

please don't think less of me.

2003-02-07T15:26:00.000-05:00

I want THIS: pretty blue mixer

2003-02-07T12:34:00.000-05:00

i wish i could be a pastry chef when i grow up. a pastry chef who makes beautiful, magnificent cakes all day long, and also cookies. cookies are not commonly thought of as magnificent but as long as i have the decorating supplies at my fingertips i might as well make pretty cookies too.

one time there was this posting for a job as “cake decorator” and i wanted to be it SO bad but i couldn’t because it interfered with my class schedule. poo.

2003-02-07T12:32:00.000-05:00

this girl here at work gave me a free sample of “body butter", and it was nice of her and everything, but i don’t think i want to purposely put anything named “butter” on my body.

Yuck.

2003-02-04T11:26:00.000-05:00

this morning i was waiting for the bus and i saw a tired-looking guy come by pulling an old wagon. on the side of it was a fluorescent homemade stick-on sign that said, “Gregg’s recycling”. He walked around picking up old cans and even an old disposable aluminum baking pan off the ground and i wanted to ask him if he was Gregg and if he got paid for pulling the Gregg’s Recycling wagon and if he was ever cold. I felt bad for him. And then i thought, “Don’t be such a snob. How do you know he leads a sad life? How do you know he doesn’t enjoy himself everyday? How do you know he doesn’t have a wife and a home and a nice dog? Just because he pulls a wagon that says Gregg’s Recycling and picks up litter off the street on frigid mornings like this, that doesn’t mean he’s not happy.”

But then I looked at him down the street as I was getting on the bus and his wagon was rolling away from him as he was bending for another a piece of garbage and I felt sure that while he might be happy, it’s a lot easier to be happy when you’re not pulling a Gregg’s Recycling wagon and picking up crap off the street.

2003-02-03T15:49:00.000-05:00

friday was kurt's birthday so i made him a double-layer chocolate cake with homemade frosting!!! it was all i dreamed and MORE: the cakes slid right out of their pans, the icing was smooth and glossy, spreading it was a DREAM, and when we cut the first triangle out, it looked just like those pieces on the Duncan Hines cake mix boxes!!!!!!!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

2003-01-31T15:53:00.000-05:00

i hate when you're wearing a band-aid and the edges get dirt and guck stuck all over them. yuck.

2003-01-31T12:43:00.000-05:00

i wish….

i wish….

i wish that every little kid was born with some sort of shot at the world. i wish each of them had at least a chance at making it. i wish all of them had a nice set of parents and a nice grandma. otherwise it makes life so depressing. for them and for me.

2003-01-31T11:29:00.000-05:00

sometimes it's fun to just open up my blog site and stare at it. sometimes. okay, all the time.

2003-01-30T16:55:00.000-05:00

Last night i watched a show on prodigies at Juilliard. it made me envy them, and i pitied them, too. but most of my pity was really just envy trying to quash itself into something less nasty. so it chose pity. i wasn't interested in the actors; i was interested in the musicians: the violinists and the cellists and the pianists and the opera singers. what God-given talents that mesmerized me and left me feeling absolutely amazed. awed. touched. completely moved. sad. what a talent. what a talent. i'm stunned just remembering it. the world will never know 99% of them. that's a genuine pity.

2003-01-30T16:28:00.000-05:00

Jahva is one smart Cookie

2003-01-30T15:52:00.000-05:00

i'm wearing the abominable snowman on my finger. i like it.

2003-01-30T15:50:00.000-05:00

ps i got the idea to vacuum my vaccum cleaner from full house. i love that show. loved. okay, love.

2003-01-30T15:48:00.000-05:00

when i clean the bathroom, i spray the liquid soap bottle with 409 to clean it off. i also vacuum my vacuum cleaner with my mighty mite, like danny tanner on full house. i see nothing wrong with that.

2003-01-30T14:34:00.000-05:00

now that i have my own blog, let me just say that i hate when the shower curtain liner touches any part of my body while i'm in the shower. SICK!!!

2003-01-30T14:28:00.000-05:00

i'm in total agreement. can i tell you a story? one day after work i was watching this seeing-impaired lady with her seeing-eye dog. i was intrigued because i like seeing-eye dogs and i wanted to see the phenomenal guidance it gives. so i watch, and the dog leads her off the curb and across the street.....as cars are slamming on their breaks to stop going through the intersection on their green light!!!! meanwhile, the dog is calmly dodging the fronts of cars and leading her safely to the other side. i guess since she didn't get smooshed it worked, but is that really how those dogs are supposed to work? i don't think so. i think they're supposed to wait for the little man to show up on that Walk/Don't Walk thing. or at least wait till the crowd goes and join in. but maybe this dog is SO smart that he's learned to be a punk pedestrain and is like, I know i take risks. But i'm a risk taker. And i'm tired of waiting around today so i'm just going to go. They'll brake for me. I'm a seeing-eye dog with a blind person: only a heartless lunatic would run us over.

2003-01-30T14:24:00.001-05:00

although i have to give props to whoever came up with this design. it's not bad.

2003-01-30T14:24:00.000-05:00

and now i see that not even the way i format my blog on HERE turns up over THERE.

2003-01-30T14:22:00.000-05:00

i want to change the way my blog looks. but it's too hard. now i'll never have an original blog. [thumbs down] [WAY down!]

2003-01-29T14:39:00.000-05:00

did THIS work?